Avoiding Sheker (Falsehood) at all Costs (7)
When is it Permitted to Lie? Last week we began listing situations (humility, Tznius) when a “Torah-inspired” motive permits one to tell a harmless lie (when no one loses out due to the lie). We continue with the next situation on this list.
For the Sake of Peace. The Gemara (1) states two opinions about whether one is allowed to lie for the sake of peace (if there is no other way), or if it is an actual mitzvah to lie for the sake of peace, and thus one should do so. The RIF and ROSH (2) both rule like the second opinion. Therefore, according to them, one should deviate from the truth in all of the following cases that are included in promoting peace.
To quiet down friction that has already developed.
To prevent an argument from starting.
Even if no actual argument will start, it is permitted to lie to prevent one party from becoming upset at another party.
In the above cases, one can lie to promote peace:
between himself and another person,
between two other people or families, parties, etc.
between adults and adults; between adults and children,
between children and children,
between two Jews; between a Jew and a gentile.
Examples of Lying for the Sake of Peace.
When Hashem informed Avraham Avinu and Sarah that they would have a son, Hashem commented to Avraham about Sarah’s reaction, quoting her words differently than the way she actually said them. She said “How (can I give birth) ... for my husband is old?” and Hashem quoted her as saying “How (can I give birth) ... for I (Sarah) am old?” (3) Hashem did so in order that Avraham would in no way be even slightly upset at his wife. We must learn how careful we must be when quoting one’s words to another person, who might get even minimally upset at what he or she hears.
When Aharon Hakohen would find out that two people (Reuven and Shimon) were in an argument, he would bend the truth for the sake of peace. He would go to Reuven and tell him that Shimon really regrets what he did. He would talk to Reuven about how Shimon really likes him, until the hatred was totally removed from Reuven’s heart. He would then go to Shimon and do the exact same thing. Later, when Reuven and Shimon would meet they would hug one another in friendship, all due to the “lies” of Aharon Hakohen (4).
A mother left a perishable item out and it spoiled. The father is upset about this and asks his oldest child who left the item out. If, by saying, “I don’t know,” the mishap could be attributed to young children who do not know any better - which will then prevent the father from being upset with the mother - the child should definitely do so (5).
(1) יבמות סה: (2) עיין שם (3) בראשית יח:יב כדמפורש בגמ' יבמות סה: (4) אבות דרבי נתן יב:ג (5) עיין ספר חסידים שלג